I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
