She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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