I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
