Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize