Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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