i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
