The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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