She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
