I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
