Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
