i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
