i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
