You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
