She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
