We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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