Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
