Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
