today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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