So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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