I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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