Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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