I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
