I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
