apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
no, he came in my armpit
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
