I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
