I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
