dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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