They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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