I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
