You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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