dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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