he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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