3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
