He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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