Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
