Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
