Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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