forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize