Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize