I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
