I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
How does one acquire holy water?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
