P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
