I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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