I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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