My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
