I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
