jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
