can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
