Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
