You can't motorboat a personality
My balls are so social today.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
