Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
