when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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