i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
