you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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