I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
