sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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