I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just pee around me
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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