Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Randomize
