okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize