I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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