Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
