I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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