New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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