I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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