Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
