I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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