Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
