He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
